Buffalo's Corner: The Evolutionary Scale of the Athlete

Evolución crossfitero
About a few months ago, resting after one of those delicious workouts full of gymnastic pirouettes and metabolically vomiting movements, I realized the  wild amount of expletives and bad words that we say to each other in the box. This led me to a curious reflection on how we categorize ourselves when we are giving our all in every training session, competition or sporting event in this wonderful generalist discipline.

Such was my astonishment that I began to draw up an inventory that included the different types of nicknames, qualifiers and insults and I could see that they were directly related to the level of stupidity and development of each athlete.

And for this reason, after several weeks of analysis, debates and conversations (and with the wonderful help of the Twogies team) we have managed to establish the first (unique and definitive) evolutionary scale of the Athlete :

🦠 - Novel: But who the hell are you? what is your name? Did you come from trimming a hedge? You know you can't wear those bike gloves here, right? Your legs are shaking at the first race of the warm-up, wow, how bad does this look! The coach is seriously concerned that you will make it out of your first month of training alive.

🦑 - Sewer squid: "This boxing thing is very hard, in my gym we didn't do things like this..." Do you want to be Alete? Stop crying and start taking training seriously, dry shit! When you run, your limbs move randomly and completely uncoordinated, you start to show off your first calluses.

🦎 - Disgusting lizard: It is not very well known how or in what way you have learned to hang yourself like a sausage and because of Odin's beards that you begin to move the bar with an iota of judgment. Every time the Coach looks for you in the crowd, you slip away like a good reptile so that he neither sees you nor uses you as an example of what not to do.

🐈 - Nice kitty: Your first kipping! You still feel quite sorry for your colleagues, but you make up for it because you make an appearance repetitively. Sometimes the coach takes pity on you and gives you a smile in the middle of the wood as a reward for the 3 drops of sweat that fall from that pale Martian forehead you have.

🐀 - Rat: Wow wow... You're starting to take this seriously. Your first Double Unders, you move discs in all the exercises. Although we all know you sneak out on Assault bike day or hide when the snatches get heavy. We better not even talk about dumbbells and by the way you should stop wearing the Abmat to support your knees when you do lunges, lazy!

👻 - Cásper: What do you say you've done 100 reps on wood? Go bushels that you don't even believe it... You start uploading content to social networks, yes #roadtothechampionship yes #rx when we all know the reality, you eat reps, you live on Cheat Day and your last RM was thanks to the €100 in scaffolding material that you have incorporated, Damn Robocop!

🐩 - Poodle: Do you really think you're an athlete? It's not enough to have cool playlists and the latest accessories of this shit. It's nice to see you doing endurance, your shirt looks like my grandmother's towel when she goes to the sauna. Although let's be honest... your technique is still despicable!!!

👹 - Spawn: People get scared when they walk by you. Your level of strength is similar to your level of imbecility... you instill respect by generating fear. You're still pretty disgusting in general and now you dare to take off your shirt. Face it, you're never going to Games!

🦍 - Hell Monster:  The mother who gave birth to you, is that all yours? You sweat more than a pig on a spit, but you make up for it with quite acceptable gymnastics and you endure the wods until the end... your intelligence begins to wane considerably, sometimes you stammer and many people in your circle nod to your moans for fear that lose control of what little is left of your brain.

🧟‍♂️ - Welcome to Zombieland: 3 hernias, bald, unable to speak and with an idle in the brain that looks like a Citroen 600 about to go to scrap. You're wearing a walker... you can't even get to Master!

⚰️ - RIP: It has gotten out of hand and there is no turning back. Good luck in life friend! 👋

As you may have seen, regardless of the fitness capacity of each element that dares to walk on the rubber, creativity is the great flag that we always forget to raise when asked why we like CF so much.  And I wonder, what would we be without humor, good vibes and profanity? Well, I'm telling you, we would be a group of bitter people locked up between four walls with a measuring tape measuring to see who has the biggest damn ego.

Therefore, I encourage you not to lose your sense of humor, to enjoy everything positive that this discipline offers us: laughter, friends and unforgettable experiences. 

From the dustiest but warmest corner of the box, full hugs from your friend and neighbor

The Buffalo tarado.JFC.